Dating inexperience

So for those of you who might feel insecure about your “inexperience”: Take heart.

When you take this approach you can learn from your own relationships, but you can also learn from others’ relationships as well.

Learning what doesn’t work, what does work, who you are, and what you really want doesn’t have to happen moving from your “next mistake” to another.

Most of the dating wisdom I have absorbed over the years has been from observing other people’s relationships—learning what works and what doesn’t—and internalizing the lessons learned.

I watched my sisters’ and friends’ boyfriends come and go, I saw the dynamics of my parents’ marriage, and yes, I dated a boy or two here and there.

The numbers are arbitrary and invented and almost always tend to be pulled from thin air; I’ve had statistics when it comes to sex and relationships.

We tend to make assumptions based around expectations built up by pop-culture and expectations about what makes a “real” man, assuming that everybody (but us) has been riding the sex train since the 5th Grade while we’re still Machokeing our Combusken at 19.

And certainly people can and do learn from mistakes, but it can be a more inefficient way to learn about love.

But taking time to study relationships, observing and empathizing with the people and relationships around you, is crucial to internalizing good dating practice and attitudes.

But how much do you really learn from hoarding heartbreak T. I would argue—and I think Swift’s humorous psycho-themed music video backs me up—that “experience” does not make a lesson.

Unless a more studied approach to dating is taken, a woman on boyfriend number 10 is just as likely to make the same rookie mistakes as a woman on boyfriend number one.

Maybe it's time to appreciate being a little more thoughtful, and a little less frantic.

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