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Men are held to such rigid standards of masculinity that often imply that any behavior that might appear “gay” or “feminine,” such as being the penetratee rather than the penetrator, is a threat to their very status as a man.That’s particularly fucked up when you think about it because it means men are being conditioned to fear one of their own body parts.Luckily the same philosophy I subscribe to that advocates for women to have the right to enjoy the kind of sex they like without being judged for it also ascribes the same right to men. And yet it is that very taboo, that shame that is caught up in our asses, that is the very reason I find anal sex so important.

In 2010, the Journal of Sexual Medicine published the results of a national sex survey stating 20 percent of women in their 20s and 30s copped to having anal sex within the past year, with one-third of those women having had it within the past month. Anal sex outscored cunnilingus.” Of course, correlation doesn’t equate causation.

But maybe you believe that one in every five women is faking it in order to look cool. “Among women who had vaginal sex in their last encounter, the percentage who said they reached orgasm was 65. Some folks theorize that it is the orgasms (resulting from oral, manual or vaginal sex) that satisfy and relax women enough for them to be open to anal penetration, rather than the anal sex that is causing orgasms. If people are happy and fucking and coming, who are we to tell them they’re not actually enjoying themselves?

But if a man acts downright afraid of his own asshole, to me that signals a kind of insecurity and discomfort that I find unattractive in a potential partner.

So yeah, I vote with my vag in cases like those and instead choose to fuck people who are more comfortable with themselves, which is my prerogative as well as the author’s in selecting our respective partners.

Some women report masturbating anally on their own or engaging in anal penetration with female partners, meaning it is possible to achieve pleasure from anal sex that has nothing to do with the involvement of men.

Then there are women like me who self-identify as masochists and for whom anal sex is enjoyable precisely because it is an act of suffering.

Mostly the article apologizes for the sex-negativity that is squicking another’s squee and for the fact that the original piece relied heavily on anecdotal evidence that is contrary to what actual statistics about anal sex have to say.

But it’s not an uncommon stance lately, particularly after Gillian Flynn’s now-infamous “cool girl” rant from “Gone Girl” that says women who enjoy sex acts that may be perceived as male-appeasing fantasies, such as anal penetration, are faking their interest in order to attract and keep men in a competitive dating environment. I’m a woman who likes anal sex, and I’m going to turn the tables here and say I think it’s weird that you think that’s weird.

I shouldn’t have to explain that it is the gender of the people you choose as partners and not the activities you choose to do with those partners that determines your sexual orientation (and nor is any one sexual orientation better than another, although some are unfortunately afforded more privileges at this point in our history), but somehow it’s a revelation that is still just occurring to some people.

As Charlie Glickman, author of “The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure,” has famously said, “When you can’t be present in your ass, you can’t be fully present in your body.” I don’t expect every guy to be into anal penetration.

That doesn’t make it any less valid a form of enjoyment.

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